பாட்டி வடை சுட்ட கதை

பாட்டி வடை சுட்ட கதை. இந்த கதையை நம்ம தமிழ் cinema directors எடுத்தா எப்படி இருக்கும் என்று ஒரு கற்பனை. ஒரு producer-ரிடம் அவர்களே கதையை சொல்வார்கள்.

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முதலில் Selvaragavan- Sir opening-ல சோழர் காலத்த காட்டுறோம். ஒரு பாட்டி தென் கோடி தமிழகத்தில் வடை சுடுறங்க, அதே நேரத்துல Jupiter பக்கத்துல இருக்குற Kipiter planet-ல ஒரு தாத்தா வடை சுடுறாரு…

Producer- செல்லாது செல்லாது. அடுத்த ஆள் வாங்க !

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Shankar- Sir.. வடை சின்னதாதான் இருக்கணுமா ? நம்ப பாட்டி 100-அடி size-ல வடைய சுடுறாங்க. அப்போ பேரிய size dinosaur robot வந்து தூக்கிட்டு போயிடுது.

Producer- வடைக்கு budget பத்தாது தம்பி. நீங்க வேணும்னா சொந்த காசு போட்டு சுட்டுகோங்க. அடுத்த ஆள் வாங்க !

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Manirathanam room உள்ள வந்து உட்கார்ந்து, producer-ர கொஞ்ச நேரம் உத்து seeing..

Producer- (அப்புராணியா asking) கதை எப்போ sir சொல்லுவிங்க ?

Mani- பாட்டி…..(silence)…. வடை….(silence)…. காக்கா…..(silence)..

Producer- அய்யோ தூக்கம் வருது. அடுத்த ஆள் வாங்க !

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Hari enters the room with his 10 assistants, all carrying அரிவாள்-s

Hari- பாட்டி சுட்ட வடைய காக்க துக்கிட்டு பறக்க, பாட்டி “எஎஎய்ய்ய்ய்ய்…”ன்னு ஒரு பேரிய sound விடுது. அத கேட்டு ஊர்ல இருக்குற எல்லா பாட்டிகளும் 10-15 Tata Sumo-ல காக்கவ துறத்துறாங்க.

Producer- தம்பி முடியல. அடுத்த ஆள் வாங்க !

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Kamalhaasan- கதைக்கு போவதற்கு முன்னாடி, பாட்டிக்கு காக்கவுக்கு Hollywood-ல இருந்து வரும் Micheal Westmore 4-hours make-up போடுவாரு. OK-வா?

Producer- Not, OK. அடுத்த ஆள் வாங்க !

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Goutham Vasudev Menon- (Only English) Before going into the story, let’s decide the title. Working title will be ”பாட்டி55” and the actual title will be “வடையை தாண்டி வருவாயா”.

Producer- தம்பி. Me no English. அடுத்த ஆள் வாங்க !

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Bhagiyaraj- Sir, நம்ம பாட்டி கொஞ்கம் மாற்கமான பாட்டி. வடையில எப்பவும் முருங்ககீரைய தான் use பண்ணும். இத ஒரு நாள் திருடி சுட்டக் காக்கவுக்கு கசமுச…

Producer- நிறுத்து நிறுத்து.. நான் படமே எடுக்கல. பழயபடி நான் கிளி ஜோசியமே பார்க்க போறேன். 

***Above picture collage by the blogger.

Adios Amigos

My Dear Indian,

This is Manmohan Singh. You might be puzzled of who I am, I was your PM for past 10 years. Once for all, I’m bidding adieu to the post which I got it lucky. When I say lucky, I really mean it, because in 2004 once the elections were over, even I wasn't aware that I’ll become the Prime Minister of this country. It was a surprise for me then and it is a surprise now as I complete 10 years.

I wouldn't say the ride was bumpy, because most of the time I wasn't even in the driving seat. I was just a mute spectator as you were. I was just a viewer and a witness to strange things. My Cambridge brain was put in hibernation. But in spite of hibernation, I could do something so that our economy doesn't get into hell bottom. So what did I get back as reward, my name was changed into Mounmohan. I had a great opportunity to change this nation, but if you were in my position you could have felt the heat. I was surrounded by this chamchas and babus which I couldn't get rid off, they were non-stop as waves, on and on and on. You have to be happy enough that I didn't yield for it. I’m still clean!

My economist brain just couldn't grasp the scams. I was thinking for the growth of this country, but people around me, these chamchas and babus were thinking about the growth of the individuals. I never imagined that these people can swindle money in the name of new scams, which I couldn't even imagine. 

In tough times of global recession, I could steer our Indian economy without getting hit. For the people who write me as a week should think what could have happened if I was 100% hibernated! Should you give me some credit, but I don't ask for it. History will judge me. There will be a time when you’ll judge me while comparing to my predecessors. I know not the outcome of your comparison now, but you’ll write about it. Newspapers, get ready your OP-ED columns.

I was a good manager, but I failed as a leader. They say, I’m a perfect example of a right-guy in the wrong place, but show me where is the right place in this country!

I’m very grateful to PV Narasimha Rao, who dragged me into this political whirlwind in 1991. Touch your heart and cross your soul- Does the change in the economic policy then made a sea-change in your lives. But, I should have stopped then, I should have gone with the glory, than accepting the Prime Minister-ship of the country. I had a greed of changing this nation, but I just couldn't put those greediness into action. 

Adios Amigos,

MMS

****This is a fictional letter from this blogger

**Above image from indiatoday.in

Scene pazasu, but dialogue pudusu

I thought of giving some pointers in changing the pulithupona dialogues in Tamil movies. Note- If your favorite scene or actor is massacred then it is purely intentional.

1. Hero gets married against the wishes of his parents. Some time later they meet each other.

Pazaiya Father: Ayya, nee inda veetula ellama, nanga ellorum nadaipinamma irundom pa

New Dialogue: Ayya, nee inda veetula ellama, nanga ellorum zombies matri irundom pa

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2. Hero’ friends are greedy on him, as he can “correct” girls easily.

Pazaiya Friend: Dei, ivanuku udambellam macham da, pakura ella ponnayum madakiduran.

New Dialogue: Dei, evanuku matum eppadi Facebook’la ponnunga friend request kudukurangalo??

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3. Panjayat Scene. Very first dialogue

Side Actor: Ippadi ellarum pesamma irunda eppadi.

New Dialogue: Chat room’la login pannitu chating pannam silent’ta irukura matri irunda eppadi?

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4. Father scolding our hero,

Pazaiya Father: Kekuren elle, bathil solluda, ippadi mazaila nekura eruma madu matri iruke!!

New Dialogue: Client kita thitu vangure IT Manager matri eppadi pesama irunda eppadi?

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5. Hero asks heroine, to run away and get married. Heroin replies,

Old Herione: Venam, enge annan’nugaluku ella oruliyum allunga irukange. Enga ponalum vidamatenge

New Dialogue: Venam da, enge bros ellam periya hackers, nan enge FB, email check pannalum IP Address vechi kadupudichiduvange!

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6. Police threatens our hero,

Old Police: Dei, un vetula ganja-va nangelle vechi, unna ulle thukipoturvum

New Dialogue: Dei, unnoda Twitter account-a nanga hack panni, government-a kevalam thiti tweet potu unna ulle thukipoturvum

Man Vs Mosquitoes

WARNING: Not for week, oops weak hearts

Man Vs Mosquitoes is a new world war, at least in Chennai. Everywhere (Places wherever I go) I see these sullans. 

The other day there this huge war went against these mosquitoes, even though we killed most of it, they had a last laugh by their count. The ratio got increased with the killings, man:: mosquitoes- 1::20, kill 5 mosquitoes, the ratio became 1::25, then 1::30. 

It was like kill 5, their backup will send 10, and so the mosquito battalion got increased!!

Eventually man has to retreat, but before doing that he has to document the war for historical purposes, he called it as Massacre of Mosquitoes, here is the video evidence of the massacre.

Make sure your speakers are turned on to see this video.

Even though the graphic elements are blurred, The MPAA rating for the video is PG. 

157 countries banned this video.

 

If you are a film buff, identify the two background music in this video.